Fear of Dying
by Cltc Cat and Foxxy
Summary: Prequel to Christmas Secrets. 2x4 Raunchy karaoke and language. Random groping. Duo keeps pushing Quatre away, finally the blonde snaps... Duo decides to serenade his confession to Quatre, in an uniquely odd way.
1. marshmallow kisses

**Required disclaimer: **We do not and never will own Gundam Wing. We do not profit from the characters. Once, when I was little, I caught a butterfly and kept it in a jar. Then I realized that I didn't own that either. I let it go. Now I'm heavily depressed. I miss you, butterfly.

**Summary: **Wonder how Duo and Quatre got together before Christmas Secrets? Well here is the prequel. It will help you understand the end of s'mores a bit better.

**Author: **Foxy Mcgee and Cltcmistress.

_'thoughts'_

* * *

It wasn't suppose to happen that way, he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself. Quatre had looked so innocent as he crouched on the floor picking up the marshmallows that had fallen from the bag. He had a marshmallow sticking out of his mouth as he concentrated at the task and he was flustered, cheeks tinged a bit pink. Duo had bent down to help just as Quatre reach for the same marshmallow. He looked up at Duo with a curious expression, eyebrow raised, marshmallow still held between those lips... That's all it took. Duo leaned in and pressed his lips to the blonde's, effectively tasting Quatre and marshmallow.

God was it good. It was perfect...

Actually, Duo knew it was completely and totally wrong. He couldn't be doing this. He jerked back in shock, eyes wide, and his mouth dropped open. "Uhhh.."

Quatre froze when Duo suddenly pulled away. He was embarrassed that he was so startled he dropped the bag when Duo walked in. But what caught him off guard even more was the kiss. He'd popped one of the marshmallows in his mouth-five second rule-and looked up when Duo started to help him pick up the mess. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted. The combination of the sugar in the marshmallow and the braided boy's lips was intoxicating. He was just leaning forward into it when Duo's abrupt retreat jarred him back to reality. The blush on his face deepened as he looked shock on the other pilot's face. "Umm." He chuckled hesitantly and scooped up the rest of the mess and stood. "Thank you. For helping me clean up." He fidgeted, waiting to see what Duo would do next.

Duo stood slowly and shoved his hands in his pocket as his face turned a deep crimson. "It was my fault anyway." He studied the floor intently, afraid to glance at the other boy's face. "I, uh, should go, so you can finish what you were doing..."

"I was just getting a snack." The blonde shrugged and scuffed his toe on the floor. "You just surprised me. That's all." He could feel his face go hot as his blush deepened. "You ok?"

Duo turned away a bit, hiding his face from the blonde. "Yeah, you?"

"Yeah." He shifted and put the bag on the counter. "Duo?"

He glanced awkwardly over his shoulder. "Quatre?"

"I... Uh. Well." He bit his lip. "Want a marshmallow?" Quatre pulled one out of the bag and held it out.

Seeing the marshmallow held out in the blonde's hand made him blush again and he took it casually, stuffing it in his mouth before something else could come out. Trowa had once told him that when he was nervous he had 'verbal diarrhea.' He wanted to cut off anything before it could help itself from his mouth and embarrass him further.

Quatre smirked at how fast Duo snatched the puff of sugar from his hand. He took a deep breath and asked before the boy could run away. "Why, Duo?"

The braided pilot had just pushed off from the counter, heading for the door, when the blonde's words hit him and he froze. He stared down at the floor, swallowing the suddenly tasteless marshmallows before he answered. "I really like marshmallow." Duo almost smacked himself. '_I really like marshmallows? What the fuck, Duo.' _He took a deep breath. "I mean... just.... I'm sorry."

He chuckled. This was probably one if the first times the blonde had ever seen Duo so out of sorts with himself. "It's ok." He turned his back to the pilot and started fiddling with the bag to hid his blush that returned. "I don't blame you."

"Huh?" The brunette lifted his face to study the blonde's back.

"Idon'blameyou," he mumbled quickly, busying himself with closing the bag and putting it back in the cabinet. "I like them, too." He left it up to Duo to decide what _them_ meant.

Duo got an odd expression on his face and frowned. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, then tilted his head and stared at the blonde. "Huh?" He was practically oozing with intelligence today, he could feel it.

"Nothing. Just forget I said anything." He mentally kicked himself. Duo probably meant nothing by that kiss anyways. It would be just like him to go for a marshmallow in someone else's mouth. Totally normal for the braided pilot. Probably just did it to get a rise out of him or something. "Sorry."

Duo blinked then raised an eyebrow. "Why do you have to be sorry? I molested you, remember?" He looked back at the spot on the floor that seemed to be very interesting today.

Quatre turned and looked at Duo who suddenly seemed really interested in the floor. He checked to make sure he hadn't dropped any more or missed any. "Yeah, well it wasn't completely one-sided." He chewed on his bottom lip and studied his toes.

A strange look crossed his face before Duo bit his lip - hard. He looked up at Quatre, then back to the floor. "Don't. Please."

He was right. Duo really hadn't meant anything by it. His face felt hot, but this time the blush was from embarrassment more than anything else. "Right. Sorry." He slapped his thighs and pushed away from the counter. "I won't do it again." Why did his chest feel so tight all of a sudden? Duo just didn't want him to do it again. "I'll see you later, then." He scooted past the boy still staring at the floor. He was probably angry with him. "I've got work to do anyways."

Slowly Duo reach out and grabbed the blonde's chin as he passed, pulling him close enough they were nose to nose. "I'm sorry." He whispered it into the other boy's lips before he kissed him again, longer this time.

He held himself very still. Wasn't he just told not to do it again? What was going on here? He couldn't help it as his traitorous body reacted before his mind could catch up and he began to return the kiss. When Duo finally pulled away he stared at him, a mix of shock and pleasure on his face. "What are you sorry for? You told me don't. I think I'm confused." He held a hand to his lips and couldn't help but smirk when he thought of how that compared to the one with the marshmallow.

Duo turned his face away from the blonde and bit his lip again, wincing when he tasted something metallic. "I'm sorry. I should go."

"Don't be sorry." He frowned when he saw him wince. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok." He gave the blonde a smile, glancing at him sideways through his bangs. "I gotta go, just forget this ok?"

His chest clenched again at the look on Duo's face. "Uh. Yeah. Sure." Quatre gave him a small smile and nodded. "Right, well. I'll see you later." He turned and fled the room, making his way down the hall and to his own room before he changed his mind. He enjoyed that kiss way too much to simply forget it. Mentally berating himself as he closed the door, he rested his head against the cool wood as he locked it. _Stupid. He said don't. Why did you do that again? _He sighed and willed his heart rate to slow down before turning his attention to the work he'd left on his desk earlier.

* * *

Please review.. It's that shiny button with the green letters. If you don't, you'll get more moments from my child hood - butterfly stories from Foxy. You don't want that, do you?


	2. conflict

**Required disclaimer: **We do not and never will own Gundam Wing. We do not profit from the characters. If we wrote Gundam Wing it would be longer, more involved, and too soap opera-ish.

**Summary: **A little bit of a movie and random touching.

**Author: **Foxy Mcgee and Cltcmistress.

**Warnings:**Edward Scissorhands spoiler...? Some unrequited lovvveeeee

**A/N:**In case you were wondering why they are all together in one living space, it's because this is right before Christmas Secrets.

_'thoughts' _with or without the ''_._

* * *

Duo slowly made his way towards the living room eyeing Quatre cautiously. The blonde's back was to him as he watched t.v. and he didn't seem to notice the other pilot standing behind him, studying him. He only hesitated a moment longer before jumping the couch and landing right next to the blonde, making sure to keep a safe gap between them. "Whatcha watchin'?"

Quatre smiled as the braided pilot plopped in the seat next to him. He'd heard him come up, but chose to let him think he was sneaking up on him instead. "Edward Scissorhands. I've never seen it before. It's so sad..." He frowned as the main character thought back to the death of his 'creator/father.' "I can't imagine life like that. Not being able to touch someone for fear of hurting them." He sighed, keeping his eyes on the screen as his hand rested on the remote between them.

Duo froze at Quatre's words and he stared at the screen uncomfortably, he crossed his arms looking away. "Yeah, I guess that would suck..."

"Yeah." He glanced over at Duo. "You ok? Have you seen this movie before?" Something about the way the pilot was sitting with his arms wrapped around him made him look vulnerable: hurt, almost. He paused the movie and watched his friend's face.

"Once before. I'm fine." He looked back at Quatre with a smile on his face.

The blonde gave him a questioning look, but let the matter go. He pushed play and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the table. "I hope it has a happier ending than the way it's been so far." He munched on the popcorn and watched the screen again.

"Hm." After a bit Duo reach out to take popcorn from the bowl, the same time as the blonde was reaching out again and their hands brush as they both hit the bowl at the same time. Duo froze, face turning towards the blonde and found they were almost touching, he could feel the gentle breathing of the blonde on his face. He stayed frozen, eyes staring into Quatre's.

Quatre held still as his hand brushed with Duo's, his eyes locked on the violet ones in front of him. "Uh, sorry." Pulling his hand back he put the popcorn in his mouth, still watching the other pilot. He gave him a small smile and leaned back.

Duo also slowly leaned back, keeping his eye's on the blonde's as he did and quickly stuffed the popcorn into his mouth.

Quatre felt a small blush creep into his cheeks as he turned back to watch the movie. "So does it have a happy ending? Or should I wait and see?" He glanced sideways at the braided pilot.

Duo looked back at the screen distractedly. "You'll have to wait and see." He stuffed more popcorn in his mouth.

"Hm." He took another handful of popcorn and returned his attention to the movie. Duo was acting funny again. Why was he so jumpy and quiet all of a sudden? He glanced at the object of his pondering then to the movie and back. Something about that Edward character reminded him of the pilot. Like he was hiding behind some mask. Just minus the hands of scissors...

Quatre tried. He tried real hard. But it was just too sad! He fought back a sniffle as the snow started to fall. "After all that they don't end up together?" He sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Why didn't you warn me it was so sad?"

Duo casually wiped his eyes and smiled at the blonde. "You were already so far into the movie." He wiped a knuckle under Quatre's eye and brushed away a tear.

"You still could have warned me it would end like that." He turned to stare at Duo when the pilot's hand brushed his cheek. Using his other hand to brush the rest of the tears from his cheeks he gave a weak smile.

Duo let his hand linger on the soft cheek before pulling back slowly. "Naw, then you'd wouldn't have watched it, would you?" His voice was soft as he smiled at the other pilot.

The blonde felt his cheeks grow warm where Duo's fingers brushed his skin. "It was still a good movie. Even with the sad end it was worth it." He shrugged and sniffled again.

"You're a big softy, you know it?" He grinned and leaned forward reaching out for the popcorn bowl again.

"Yeah. Well, I can't help it. I care." He smirked. "Hey, I can get that. I was going to refill it anyways. 'Don Juan de Marco' is on next and I was going to watch it as well." Quatre reached for the bowl.

Duo's hand touched the bowl just as Quatre's again and he turned sharply and found himself nose to nose with the blonde. He pushed his lips against Quatre's, more aggressively than before.

Quatre turned to say something more when he suddenly found his lips captured by Duo's once more. What the hell was going on with the braided pilot? He told his mind to shut it and pressed his lips to Duo's, pressing for more from the kiss.

Duo ran a hand over Quatre's cheek and used it to pull the blonde closer to himself. Abruptly Duo flinched back away from the blonde and stood. "I have to go." He turned around before Quatre could say anything and fled the room, leaving a very startled Quatre behind him.

* * *

Quatre huffed as he pushed away from his desk abruptly. No use even trying to concentrate on his work right now. He had to get this figured out before things continued the way they were. The blonde stopped outside Trowa's door and knocked. Maybe the tall pilot could give him some insight on what was going on.

"Door's open." The quiet voice answered.

He opened the door and poked his head in. "Hey, Trowa. Do you mind if I talk with you for a moment? I need some help."

Trowa sat his book down and pointed to a spot next to him on the bed.

Quatre closed the door behind him and took the offered seat. "Thanks." He stared at his hands for a minute as he worked out how to say what he wanted. "Have you noticed anything off about Duo lately? He just seems to be acting strange, and I don't know what to think about it."

Trowa gave the blond a knowing smile, crossing his arms. "Only around you."

His head snapped up and gave him a startled look. "Really? How so? What have you noticed?"

Trowa let a smile play on the corner of his lips. "He seems nervous. Like you." He tilted his head a bit, looking at the blonde with both eyes. "For the same reasons, too."

"You really think so?" Quatre raised an eyebrow and found himself holding his breath. Reminding himself to breathe he hoped his face wasn't as red as he thought it was. "I mean, well... Are you sure about that?" His face faltered as he thought of all the times the braided pilot had fled in a seeming panic.

"He cares about you Quatre, he just has demons to face." He watched the blonde's face. "He will come around."

"But he keeps running away. He's kissed me three times now and practically ran out of the room each time. I'm beginning to think he's doing it just to drive be nuts." Quatre let out an exasperated sigh that lifted his bangs from his forehead. "He's so skittish. Like he's afraid I'm going to bite him when he's not kissing me."

Trowa laughed and then shook his head. "Maybe you are, it's always the shy, gentle ones." He laughed again before looking back at Quatre. "Tell me how you could read Duo in the war so well and now you struggle? You of all people, an empath. You've been missing a lot lately."

He rolled his eyes as he shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's because he's so indecisive himself. One minute things are ok; then the next, he's fleeing the room in a panick. Really, Trowa. It's like he's going to tackle me and then suddenly he's afraid. I just don't know what to think of it." He stared at his lap, his face screwing up in a look of frustration. "It's just so confusing."

Trowa looked thoughtful for a moment. "Remember when you had to urge Duo to go after Hilde in the war? Then afterwards how much it effected him?"

"Yeah."

"Something scared him, Quatre." He turned and looked at the blonde. "He was afraid to go near her afterwards, like he's afraid to touch you."

"Hmm." Quatre thought about what Trowa said for a minute. Finally, he looked back up at the other pilot. "Do you think I should try talking to him about it?"

"I don't know. You can try, but he is defensive about himself."

He frowned again. "You're right. Maybe next time I'll ask him before he runs away again." A small grin spread across his face. "Or I could just give him the same surprise attack he's giving me and see what that does." He chuckled and shook his head. "No. I'll just talk with him or something. Thanks for listening Trowa."

The taller pilot smiled. "Any time, Quatre." He picked his book up and settled it on his lap, but kept his eyes on the blonde.

Quatre leaned over to give Trowa a hug. "You always listen so well and know just what to say to sort things out. Thank you." He smiled as he stood and made his way to the door. "I owe you one."

Trowa watched him walk to the door before he spoke, voice just above a whisper. "There's always me." He turned his eyes back to the book.

Quatre flashed him a big smile and opened the door. "Ok. I've got to get back to work. I'll keep what you said in mind. Thank you again!" He flitted from the room with a new bounce to his step, quietly closing the door behind him. Maybe that's all he needed to do, talk to Duo. Settling down at his desk he attempted to focus on his work once more. He hadn't noticed the sad green eyes that had watched him leave.

* * *

Quatre took a deep breath before knocking on Duo's door. Things were just too strange. He had to know what was up with the braided pilot. When he heard nothing he knocked again. "Duo? Are you in there?"

Unfortunately, Duo wasn't in his room. If he had been, he would've tried to hide from Quatre. Instead he rested on his back on the roof just over his window. He'd climbed out to admire the moon and think. Mainly about the blonde pilot, though he wouldn't admit it.

"Duo?" He cracked open the door to look in. The room was dark and there was no sign of the braided pilot. His eyes stopped at the widow as the breeze lifted the curtains. "That explains why it's so cold in here..." He frowned. The window shouldn't be open considering the time of year and the snow on the ground. He crossed to the window and looked outside. "Duo? What are you doing out here!? Get back inside!" He spotted the pilot lying on his back just staring at the sky. "It's freezing out here!"

Duo tilted his head back enough to see Quatre in the window. "This is the best time of year for star gazing, Quat, the sky is clear." He pointed up with one hand, then placed it back under his head. "I'll come in when I get cold."

"How about before you get a cold?" He frowned and leaned out farther to glance at the sky. "They are beautiful this time of year. But you still should have at least a coat on."

"Probably." He agreed. "But I'm still going to lay out here."

Quatre frowned. Ducking back inside he took Duo's comforter off the bed and pushed it out the window. Slipping out after he carefully draped the blanket over the pilot. "At least cover with this." Once he was sure that the pilot was covered he sat next to him, close to the window. He sat next to his friend in silence, watching the sky and the way the light from the windows below played on the expanse of snow.

Duo glanced up at the silent form of Quatre before he sighed and lifted a corner of the comforter up. "Get under here before you catch a cold."

He suppressed a shudder. "Are you sure you want me that close?" Quatre glanced sideways at him before turning back to look at the stars.

Duo blinked before he sighed. "Just get under the covers, please. I'm not going to run away, I'd fall off the roof if I tried."

Quatre scooted over and wiggled his way underneath the cover of the comforter. "Thank you." Duo watched the stars for a minute before pulling the blonde to him and rested Quatre's head on his chest.

Quatre tensed when Duo pulled his head to him. After a moment he smiled and relaxed, listening to the beating of the braided boy's heart as it thumped in his chest. "Are you ok, Duo? Your heart is racing." He placed a hand on the chest as though he could will the beating to slow to a normal pace.

"Yeah." He whispered. Tensing a bit when Quatre touched him, but he didn't move, except for his eyes that found their way to the blonde.

Quatre tilted his head to look up and was met with a pair of violet eyes already looking at him. "Are you sure? Your heart is beating faster than a rabbit's." He chuckled. "I'm not going to bite you, you know."

Duo smiled a bit, then answered breathlessly. "Yeah? I almost wish you would..." He pulled his other hand from under the blanket and gently touched the side of the blonde's face with it.

Quatre stared at Duo for a minute before placing his hand over the other's. "Are you going to run away again if I do?"

"Yes." He looked back up to the sky, but left his hand in the blonde's.

"Why?"

"Because we can't do this." He looked back down.

"Watch the stars under the cover of your blanket on the roof?" He smirked and settled his head back on Duo's chest.

Duo gave him an odd look. "Just be quiet and let me hold you while I can."

Quatre sat up and frowned at Duo. "What's that supposed to mean?" While he can? Did he plan on going somewhere or something?

"Nothing." Duo glanced at him. "Just lay here, please."

"Only if you tell me why you're so skittish suddenly. Duo, you've kissed me three times and then practically ran from the room immediately after." Quatre looked down at him expectantly. "What am I supposed to think when you run away one minute then tell me to cuddle with you on the roof the next?"

"That I'm crazy and you should just lay with me." He sat up and pulled his braid onto his lap. "There are things I'll never have. Just let me have this, please."

"Duo, I don't do cryptic. I'm empathic, not psychic. All I get from you right now is confusion. Confusion and fear." He watched as Duo fiddled with his braid. "What is going on with you?"

"You." He glanced away. "Please don't ask me this. Please."

"Duo look at me."

Duo, despite his better judgement, turned and faced him again, still toying with the end of his braid.

"What are you running from? What are you so afraid of that you turn and run whenever you get close to someone?" He locked eyes with the pilot and waited.

"Death. Myself." He looked down at the end of his braid. "Yes, I will. Do."

"Do what? Run whenever someone gets too close to you?"

Duo sighed. "Can we drop this, please?"

"No." Quatre folded his arms across his chest. "This affects me, too. And I want to know what is going on. Why did you kiss me then run away? And it's not just because you like marshmallows or buttered popcorn. So don't give me that excuse."

Duo stared at Quatre for a long time, before sighing again. "Because. Death isn't choosy. Because you're a practicing muslim? Because God looks down on this? Because... because I don't deserve someone like you?" He turned his head away. "There are so many reasons, take your pick."

"I thought the only god you believed in was your God of Death. So don't hide behind religion's condemnation." He frowned as Duo turned away again.

"What about you? What about your religion?"

"That's for me to consider. Don't dodge. What is your real issue with this?"

"Seriously Quatre. Can you tell me that you can toss aside your religion? Can you so easy be with another guy, even if it's abomination in your religion?" He looked back at the blonde. "Could you really look past that, and be with someone like me?"

"This isn't about me, Duo. I'm the one who climbed your window to figure out where you went. I'm the one that actually returned the kisses you started. You are the one who was sitting on the roof in the cold alone. You are the one using religion to hide what's really got you bothered." He shifted and pushed the blanket off of him. "I'm not going to play that game, Duo."

"What if you die?"

He rolled his eyes. "Everyone dies. Eventually we all do." Quatre pushed himself up and looked back at the braided pilot. "You can't run from death forever."

Duo pushed up as well, keeping the blanket in one hand. "That's not what I mean, Quatre."

"Well you're not telling me what it is you do mean." He shivered against the cold and dropped his hands against his thighs. "I'm going inside." He stepped up to the window and slipped on a slick spot. "Ooof!" His knees hit the shingles hard as he slid down, his hand missing the edge of the window. "Ouch."

Duo flinched as Quatre fell, grabbing him by the arm as he squeezed his eyes closed. "That's what I mean."

Quatre pulled away and stood, brushing himself off. "I'm fine. Thank you." Making sure he had a hand on the side of the house he stepped around Duo. "Don't stay out here too long. You'll get sick." He turned away and made his way carefully toward his own window.

"Quatre, wait, please." Duo tossed the blanket at his open window before carefully following the blonde pilot.

"What?" He glanced over his shoulder and stopped before opening the window.

"Don't go, please?" Duo reach out and grabbed his wrist.

"I guess you're the one supposed to be running, aren't you?" Quatre flinched and immediately regretted the words as they left his mouth.

Duo's eyes widened and he flinched away from the blonde. "Forget it, I tried." He backed away from the blonde.

Quatre turned and faced his friend. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me."

"No. Forget it, you're right. I'll just run away again." Duo turned away from him and sat on the roof. "It's what I do best. Go away Quatre."

"Duo, I'm sorry." He sighed and sat down next to the other pilot. "I just wish you would tell me what's really bothering you."

"Just get away from me before you get hurt."

Quatre studied him for a moment, then silently stood. "Too late," he muttered as he opened his window. Glancing back he looked at Duo, shook his head then slipped inside and shut the window behind him.


	3. Foxy messed up Oooops

**Chapter 3 was pulled down due to some of it being lost in the transfer to FFnet. It'll be back up tomorrow, I apologize. :( Cltcmistress has the missing pieces and she's away for the evening. Expect an update tomorrow. **

**For those of you that did read it... check back in tomorrow and give it a quick skim.**

**Thanks for hanging with us everybody. We appreciate all of our readers. 3**


	4. I touch myself

**I LIED! We got it back up tonight. Full story and intact. Sorry about all that. I'm going to leave the A/N about the missing pieces up everyone knows it updated. This is the 3rd and final chapter.**

**Required disclaimer: **We do not and never will own Gundam Wing. We do not profit from the characters. If we wrote Gundam Wing it would be longer, more involved, and too soap opera-ish.

**Authors: **Foxy Mcgee and Cltcmistress.

****WARNINGS!**: This chapter contains drinking, swearing, and touching. No lemon, though. Just some groping, molesting, and a little bit of ****dry humping, vulgar language, and fun. You've been warned... enjoy! :D**

**A/N:**In case you were wondering why they are all together in one living space, it's because this is right before Christmas Secrets.

_'thoughts' _with or without the ''_._

* * *

Trowa stood behind Duo, watching him sing and dance to the song on his music player. He didn't notice the taller pilot standing behind him, so Trowa stood closer to him, waiting to be noticed.

"Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?" Duo danced around the kitchen to the music. "It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it, so tell me WHY CAN'T I breathe whenever I think about you?" He continued to groove to the music, oblivious to everything outside his work at the moment. Placing another dish to dry on the rack he smiled and turned up the volume on the player. "Isn't this the best part of breakin' up? Finding someone else you can't get enough of, someone who wants to be with you too." He lifted another dish and continued to sing loud and proud. Best way to avoid contact with others? Annoy them till they flee in fear, that's what he says. "Here we go, we're at the beginning. We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning. WHY CAN'T I BREATHE whenever I think about you? WHY CAN'T I SPEAK whenever I talk about you?" [1]

Trowa blinked, then placed a hand on Duo's shoulder.

"High enou-- AAAHH!!!" Duo jumped a mile in the air and managed to catch the plate before it crashed to the floor. "JESUS TROWA!" He yanked the earphones out and stared at the pilot with one hand clutched to his chest. "If you were trying to give me a heart-attack, you did a damned good job!"

Trowa had a small smirk on his face as he took the plate from Duo's hand. "Interesting music taste." He placed the dish on the rack and looked back at Duo. "Have a minute?"

"Uh, yeah." He stopped his music and turned the water off. "And there's nothing wrong with Liz Phair. I happen to like that song." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the counter. "What's up, Tro?"

"I could ask you the same." He leaned against the counter as well.

Duo clenched his jaw for a moment before recovering his mask. "Whatcha talking about? I know I don't normally do the dishes, but it shouldn't be that shocking. I do know how to do chores."

"I meant you and Quatre." He turned to the other pilot. "Whats up?"

He turned around and went back to lifting clean dishes from the water and wiping them with a towel before putting them on the rack. "Did he come talk to you or something?"

"Or it could be the fact you are obviously avoiding him." Trowa took a dish out of Duo's hand. "Do you plan on stringing him along forever? He doesn't deserve that."

His hands clenched the edge of the counter and he stared at the water. "No he doesn't. And no I don't plan on avoiding him forever. It's just- Things are complicated, ok?"

"How complicated could it be? You practically have him at your feet, Duo. He'd do anything you ask." Trowa crossed his arms.

He glanced over at the taller pilot. "It's complicated ok? I never should have done anything in the first place." The braided pilot turned around and folded his arms again. He frowned at the spot on the floor that always seemed to make itself so interesting in moments like this.

Trowa sighed. "But you did. And he cares. You need to figure it out. What are you so afraid of?"

He chewed on the inside of his lip and glared at the floor. "A lot of things. Death. Myself." Duo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'm afraid of Shinigami claiming another life."

Trowa raised an eyebrow to this. "What?"

"Never mind." He shook his head and sighed. "Just forget I said anything." Pushing away from the counter he tossed the dishtowel back on the counter. "Thanks for the heads up, Tro. I'll keep that in mind."

"What are you going to do?"

He smirked over his shoulder as he headed out. "I'm going to invite him out for a couple beers and some karaoke."

Trowa's eyebrow shot up again and he shook his head.

* * *

Quatre looked around the bar and mentally kicked himself again that night. Just why did he let Duo talk him into coming out for karaoke? Duo had been doing all he could to avoid him lately, so why was he suddenly inviting him to karaoke? "And you said the others all told you they were busy? You couldn't just come alone?" He winced as the singer on stage hit, or missed depending how you thought of it, a shrill high note.

"No, I couldn't." Duo picked up a beer and handed it to Quatre. "Shut up and drink with me."

He took the beer and downed a third of it in one gulp. If he was going to be here all night, he'd need all the liquid steel he could get. "Alright. I don't know why you find it so amusing to listen to drunks slaughter songs on stage though." Quatre's eyes wandered back to the stage as the song mercifully ended and a new singer stepped up. Thankfully she didn't look as far gone as her blonde friend was.

Duo winced as the next singer hit a bad note instantly and down a shot. "I have my reasons." He followed with a beer before sliding a shot to Quatre. "Drink. The night is young, we're getting drunk."

Quatre lifted the glass to his nose and made a face at the bitter smell. "What is it?"

"Tequila. It won't kill you." Duo flashed him a grin before downing the rest of his beer.

"Where's yours?" He raised an eyebrow. "When you said 'we' that indicates you plan on getting drunk as well. So where's your shot?"

"I already drank it." Duo waved at the bartender to lay down two more shots. He grabbed one up and smiled at Quatre. "Let's do this." He downed the shot and chugged another beer.

"Fine." He tossed back the drink and paused for a minute, letting the liquid run over his tongue. "Hmm. I like that." He smiled and reached for the shot, held it in salute, then downed it as well. "Those are good."

Duo couldn't help but grin as a warm feeling passed through his body. "Mhm." He sipped on a beer this time, glancing at the blonde from the corner of his eye.

Quatre finished off his beer and started another. By the time he was half way done with it and two more singers had made their attempts at singing he was starting to feel a bit warm and fuzzy. "Let's have another shot." He waved to the bartender and took another swig of his beer, watching Duo over the bottle.

Duo grinned around the bottle in his mouth and waved at the bartender. "Give me a shot of your cheapest, nastiest whiskey."

"And then two shots of your finest." Quatre smiled. "On me. We'll take turns choosing drinks." He felt his cheeks get warmer as he took another drink of the beer, finishing it off.

"Are you sure you can handle much more?" Duo took the whiskey shot and down it, without a shudder. "You've put away a lot of alcohol and I can honestly say I'm drunker than shit."

The blonde gave Duo a wicked grin. "Oh, I am feeling pretty buzzed and happy. But if you want me drunk, I need about four more shots and two beers." He smiled as he downed the bad whiskey and held out the other good shot to his friend. "To holding our liquor and having some fun?"

Duo held the shot up with a wobbly hand and smirked before he down it. "I think you're going to out drink me."

Quatre squinted in an attempt to bring Duo's face into focus more. "Hey. Hey, Duo." He snickered to himself as he reached forward to grab the pilots knee and get his attention. "I dare you to go up there and sing a song."

Duo leaned towards Quatre, putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder to keep himself from falling off his bar stool. "Totally..." He grinned. "If you go first."

"Really?" He sat up in surprise but quickly regained his composure. "Well alright then." Sauntering up to the dj he wrote his song on the slip and returned to the table for another drink as he waited for the current singer to finish.

"Here I go!" He downed the shot and grinned at Duo as he stepped up to the stage. The music queued up and he did his best to sing on pitch as the words changed colors on the screen. "Let me ask you... Hey! Have you heard of my religion? It's call the Church of Hot Addiction and we believe that God has lust for everything." He grinned as he started to feel that last shot make his way through his system.

"So give it, just give it, just give it to me." He thrust his hips back and forth and began dancing up on the stage, the hoots and hollers from the other bar hoppers pushing him on. "Tonight I'm the drug you can't deny. Tonight Q-U-A-T [2] gonna get you high. My light is electric. Hey, hey, hey!" Quatre bounced all over the stage. He was pretty proud of how he sounded and he started to feel braver as the song continued. Might as well let his buddy know just why he picked it anyway. Besides, liquid courage was only liquid nothing unless you used that courage.

"Just let me tell you. Hey, you gotta get the Cobra bless now. You're really only selling sex now." He leaned over the edge of the stage and grinned as he stared at Duo at the table. "But I can pay the price you charge for what I need." He winked and returned to his dancing around the stage. "Because I, I've got a nasty new compulsion. And you've already got a notion of what I need. So give it, just give it, just give it to me." [3]

Duo's mouth dropped open at the blonde's lyrics and he found he couldn't take his eyes off Quatre. The more the song progressed the more his mouth dropped open. He was completely shocked, and secretly - a bit aroused. He shut his mouth and took a huge gulp of beer.

Quatre grinned proudly as handed over the mic at the end of the song. Picking up his beer he downed the last half in one gulp and waved for another. "You're turn. I do believe we had an agreement." His eyes glinted as he smirked and took a drink of the new beer. "Two more shots of tequila. I think my friend here needs some liquid steel in his spine." He gave Duo an insolent grin and offered him the drink.

Duo downed his shot, followed by the rest of his beer. As Quatre had been singing, he'd put in a request for two songs and he definitely needed the liquid courage. He waved another shot over, downing it for good measure before he climbed up on stage.

"I'm not afraid of standing still, I'm just afraid of being bored, I'm not afraid of speaking my mind, I'm just afraid of being ignored, I'm not afraid of feeling and I'm not afraid of trying... I'm just afraid of losing, And I am afraid of dying. Without you, yes I do and I hope that you do too." He glanced at the blonde as he sang, hands gently cupping the microphone. The crowd cheered, happy to have two decent singers in a row and Duo smiled.

"I'm not afraid of looking ugly - I couldn't care what they say, I'm not afraid of happy endings, I'm just afraid my life won't work that way." He gave Quatre a meaningful look. "I'm not afraid of forgiveness I absolve you everything, I'm not afraid of lying... But I am afraid of dying. Without you yes I do and I hope that you do, too. Without you yes I do. Without you all I do is sit and think about you. Without you yes I..." He let the music fade out as he smiled at the blonde downing another shot he'd carried on stage with him. Let him dwell on that for a minute, Duo had a better song up his sleeves. [4]

Quatre almost forgot he had be holding a beer in his hands and caught it before it slipped through his fingers to the floor. Afraid? He's actually afraid something bad happening? The words sunk into his mind in a way he was sure they probably wouldn't have if he'd been sober. "So that's what it's all about?" He watched the braided pilot as he sang and stared, seeing him in a new light. Who would have thought of Duo actually being afraid of something? A small smile played at the corner of his mouth as the song ended and Duo took the shot between songs. "Huh." He shook his head and smiled then finished off his beer. Waving for just one more he settle back to see what this next song Duo had in store was.

Duo gave the blonde a saucy wink, at least, he hoped it was Quatre and he hoped it was saucy, he was way too far gone to tell. He started swayin his hips then began to sing in time with the music. "I love myself I want you to love me, when I feel down I want you above me, I search myself I want you to find me, I forget myself I want you to remind me."

Duo grinned as he seductively slid his hand from his chest down past his stomach, keeping his eye's locked with Quatre's. "I don't want anybody else, When I think about you I touch myself. Ohh I don't want anybody else oh no, oh no, oh no." He walked across the stage, swinging his hips and running his free hand up his body. The crowd was going wild the dirtier he got and Duo obliged them.

"You're the one who makes me come running, you're the sun who makes me shine, when you're around I'm always laughing... I want to make you mine." He crawled across the stage on his hands and knees, sliding to the floor in front of Quatre. "I close my eyes and see you before me, think I would die if you were to ignore me, a fool could see just how much I adore you, I get down on my knees I do anything for you." He slid to his knees, running his hand up the blonde's thigh and pulled himself up to straddle him. He was so into his song he didn't hear the crowd cheer and let out cat-calls.

"I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself.. Ooh I don't want anybody else... Oh no, oh no, oh no..." Duo was singing into Quatre's ear now, make sure as he slid further up that their hips were grinding together. [5]

Quatre inhaled sharply as Duo climbed into his lap and started singing in his ear. His face was hot and he was sure it was as red as the shirt Duo was wearing. That he may have been able to handle by itself. But when Duo's hips began gyrating into his, that was it. He had just enough mind to toss some bills back at the bartender who growled something about taking the show outside before he grabbed Duo's wrist and hauled him toward the door. "We gotta get home...."

Duo gasped as the cool night air hit his skin, but it didn't keep him from jumping onto the blonde and pushing their lips together. He pulled back and nibbled on Quatre's ear and whispered. "Stay with me tonight."

He shivered as Duo whisptered, the pilot's breath hot on his ear. "Duo, we're both smashed. Don't ask me that right now, I don't know if I have the will to say no." He closed his eyes and leaned back, holding Duo up by his waist with one arm.

Duo hopped up, wrapping his legs around the blonde and and gave a feral grin. "That's what I was hoping for." He leaned in and gave Quatre another kiss, nibbing on his lips as he pulled back.

Another shudder ran down his body as Duo clung tighter. All thought of fighting him off fled as his hips met the braided pilots and he pressed his fingers into the brick wall behind him. "Alright. The taxi's waiting though. Let's get back home." He put his arms around Duo's waist to hold him steady long enough for his feet to touch the ground, then guided him into the backseat. Telling the driver where to go he turned and faced Duo, admiring the violet eyes that seemed to pierce him to the core. "If it will make you happier, I'll stay."

* * *

Quatre managed to prop the door open long enough to drag Duo in through after him. The braided pilot was barely standing, and for that matter he wasn't much better. However, despite the hour, Duo was serenading him with another rendition of his performance of "Touch Myself." He had to suppress giggles as he propped him against a wall and made sure to lock the door. "Duo, shush. You're gonna wake the whole hou--ouse." He wobbled mid-sentence and caught himself on the wall next to Duo. Maybe that last shot or two or four wasn't such a good idea...

Duo busted into giggles as he slid down the wall with his face. "Hey Quat?" He looked up with a grin from his sprawl on the floor.

Quatre suppressed a giggle of his own and looked down. "Yeah?"

"I gotta tell you something." Duo managed to pull himself to his feet and mustered up the most serious face he could. He reach out and grabbed Quatre's cheek and sang softly to the blonde. "Yours is the first face that I saw, think I was blind before I met you, and I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been, But I know where I want to go. And so I thought I'd let you know..." He brought his forehead to the blonde's, dropping to a whisper, but still singing. "Yeah, these things take forever, I am especially am slow, but I realized that I need you, and I wondered if I could come home." He continued to sing as he pulled the blond closer to him, so he was holding Quatre to his chest. "So if you want to be with me with these things there's no telling, we just have to wait and see, but I'd rather be working for a paycheck, than waiting to win the lottery. Besides maybe this time it's different, I mean I really think you like me." [6]

Quatre felt a twinge in his chest as Duo pressed his hands to his cheeks and then hugged him to his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes and just stood there listening to the pilot sing him another song. What was it about music that could hold so many emotions and thoughts, and put those things into words when all else failed? He sighed and let Duo continue to hold him and whisper the song in his ear as he took that moment to savor how close they were. Things may no progress for some time. But at least he knew Duo wasn't going to run away again. He wrapped his arms around his friend's waist and smiled into the fabric of his shirt.

Trowa came around the corner, after hearing noises in the hallway and he paused, eyes on the two drunk pilots hugging in the hall. Duo was holding Quatre, swaying softly to the song he was singing. Trowa watched silently as Quatre hugged in closer to Duo and felt a sharp twinge, jealously mixed with sadness. He bit his lip then turned away and moved silently down the hall, Quatre had made his choice and Trowa would respect it, no matter how much it tore him up inside.

Duo glanced up, scanning the hallway, but he saw nothing. He could've sworn he'd seen someone watching them a moment ago, but he wasn't so sure it wasn't the alcohol playing with his mind.

Quatre hugged onto Duo and looked up at him. "Duo?"

"Nothin'" He smiled down at the blonde. "Bed?"

"Yes." He nodded and did his best to head down the hall without too much more noise.

* * *

Something was tickling Duo's face and he wrinkled his nose trying to pull back from it, but some else warm held him still. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself with a face full of blonde hair. It seemed Quatre had managed to climb up on him and fell asleep like a koala bear with his face buried in Duo's neck.

Not that he minded were the blonde was, but if he kept breathing on his neck like that, Duo was going to throw him onto the floor and strip him naked. "Quat... Quatre, wake up." He rubbed his face with his hand, trying to wipe the grogginess from his brain. He felt like a gundam crushed his head and briefly wondered if Quatre would feel the same.

No. It took a moment before he realized he hadn't spoken out loud. Finally Quatre was able to make his mind form the words around the mild throbbing of his headache. "No," he muttered and buried his face more. He was warm and comfortable and he had no intention of waking enough for the light to make his headache worse.

Duo ran his hand through the blonde hair in front of him. "How 'bout water and tylenol for breakfast?"He chuckled a bit as the blonde managed to worm in closer.

"How about coffee and some pancakes instead?" He hugged his arm tighter around Duo and sighed. "I'll be fine in a bit, I just need food and five more minutes."

"I can't handle five more minutes of you breathing on my neck with your hips pressed into mine, Quat." Duo sighed as he tried to move his trapped hand.

"Mrrrrmmmm..... Fine." With a grumble he pushed away from the braided pilot and rolled to cling to the pillow.

Duo used that opportunity to roll over and sprawl on top of the blonde. "You are so comfy."

"Hmm. So were you, but you ruined that." Quatre smirked into the pillow and snuggled back into the curve of Duo around his back. "But you are right. I'm sure you at least need some aspirin for breakfast."

"Naw, I'm not doing so bad now that I'm moving." Duo sat up and stretched, running a hand through his messy hair. "Ugh... bar smell." He shook his head. "I'm going to grab a shower, then I'll make breakfast, alright?"

Quatre stretched as well and yawned. "Mhmm. That sounds good." He stood and felt his back pop as he arched backward with another large stretch. I'm going to take a shower as well and I'll see you in a few then." Quatre slipped from Duo's room and watched the floor as he trudged down the hall. He looked up just as he ran into someone else. "Trowa!? Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going."

The taller pilot's hands shot out and grabbed the blonde as he plowed into him. "It's ok, Quatre." He dropped his hands quickly.

"I, uh... Sorry about last night. We were kinda loud when we came in from the bar." He smirked and leaned against the wall, running a hand through his hair.

"Not as loud as you'd think. Rough night?" He leaned back against the opposite wall to study the blonde.

"Yeah. We both had a few shots too many and it was a while before we got to sleep." Quatre blushed slightly and chuckled the memory of Duo singing to him long into the night. He had no idea the range of music that was in Duo's playlists.

"Oh." Trowa looked down at the spot on the floor that Duo himself had looked at many times. "Well I didn't mean to keep you."

"I'm the one who ran into you." He flashed a smile and ran a hand through his hair again. "I'm going to hit the shower real fast. I feel sticky and gross. See ya later, Trowa." Turning to head back to his room he paused and glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, and thank you for our talk. It really helped and I appreciate your insight." He smiled again and disappeared into his room.

Trowa knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help feel resentment towards Duo. He waited until the blonde was gone before releasing the breath he'd been holding.

Quatre closed the door and smiled as he hummed one of Duo's songs to himself. He went into his bathroom and started the water to heat up then came back and began to lay out his clothes on the bed. That's when he noticed the spot of yellow. "A daffodil? Where did you come from?" He lifted the flower to his nose and smiled. [7] It was certainly too cold outside for it to come from the garden. His smile grew as he remembered Duo had gone out with Trowa to the store for 'some stuff' as he said after they had the fight on the roof. "That was sweet of him." It made sense after karaoke last night. He took the glass from beside his bed, filled it with water and put the flower in. "I better hurry before Duo burns the pancakes."

* * *

Quatre bounced into the kitchen and sat at the table. "That smells amazing Duo! Are they almost ready?" He watched as Duo flipped the pancake over and checked on the eggs. "I'm starving."

"Yep. This is the last one." He turned and smiled at the blonde, flushing slightly as the memory of him singing 'I touch myself' flooded back into his head.

"Fantastic!" He smiled when Duo came over and set the plates on the table. "How's your head?" Quatre gave him a questioning look as he reached for the pancakes and put some eggs on his plate. "Did you take something for it?"

"Tylenol... Listen, Quat..." He poked around at some pancakes he stacked on his plate. "Sorry about the little bar incident, if I embarrassed you..."

"I think we both did our fair share of embarrassing the other. It's not like I didn't get up on the stage and dance as well." Quatre snickered and took a drink of his orange juice. "Besides, I dared you. I think that basically counts as asking for it."

"Yeah, and you sure were asking for it, weren't you?" Duo couldn't help but grin. "Are you free this evening?"

He felt is face go red at Duo's words. "Yeah, I kinda was. What's up this evening?"

Duo grinned again. "Trowa's going to pick up Wufei and Heero, we'll probably decorate the tree, then those three will probably run by the store. They had to get a few last minute things. I thought maybe we could drink some eggnog and cuddle or something."

"Eggnog?" He raised an eyebrow and frowned. "What's that?"

Duo stared at him, then blinked. "Gawd, Quat... you don't know what eggnog is? Next you'll be telling me that you don't know what peppermint oranges are, either. And it's just not Christmas without them."

* * *

Thank you for reaing! We had a ton of fun writing this chapter, more than ever and we hope you enjoyed it, too. We gave an extra hour out of our sleep-time to write the bar scene. And we laughed gleefully the whole time. We've love it if you'd review and tell us how it was.

**A/N: If you want to see what happens next, read Christmas Secrets on Cltcmistress's site. Followed by S'mores, oppossums, and skinny dipping which is found on this account. And keep an eye out for another story already in the works that will follow s'mores and tie up the loose ends in this chapter and probably this series, who knows? **

[1] "Why Can't I?" Liz Phair

[2] The song actually says "G-A-B-E" but we changed it to "Q-U-A-T" for the story purposes.

[3] "Church of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship. Just the thought of Quatre singing "I've got a nasty new compulsion" had me in giggle fits for hours.

[4] "Fear of Dying" Jack off Jill

[5] "I Touch Myself" Divinyls

[6] "First Day of My Life" Bright Eyes

[7] Remember that scene.


End file.
